


Shutdown

by orphan_account



Category: Gundam 00
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-16
Updated: 2008-04-16
Packaged: 2019-06-14 10:07:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15386448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: From the Gundam 00 kink meme. Tiera beats off angsting over dead Lockon.





	Shutdown

He shouldn't be doing this.

The last twenty-four hours _(was it even twenty-four? Or was thirty, or only ten?)_ had been like some sort of hallucination. He was fairly sure it hadn't been real. This hadn't been in Veda's plan; there was no way it could be real.

And yet there he was, and the memory of Tieria's senses was feeding him information he didn't want to receive.

He lay curled on his side on his bed in the Ptolemaios, too tired to have taken off his flight suit, long since having given up any effort to sleep. Usually at times like these _(there had never been another time like this)_ the logical part of Tieria's mind would take over, telling him that he didn't know when he would get another chance to rest and forcing his brain to use the hard shut down like a computer with a cheap OS that had crashed. But the logical part of his brain had been slowly corrupted recently, the files of his habits and his memories infected by a virus that ran every program he was used to running into a wall. Faith_in_veda.exe had been willfully overwritten and re-named lockon_stratos.exe. But now – now all the file directories the program called upon were gut-achingly empty, not just thrown into the recycle bin but hard deleted with ones and zeroes. Mostly ones. Tieria would have given his limbs for a two. He'd never get a two; that wasn't the way computers worked.

Again and again he played the video file in his mind, not a real one, it wasn't something that he had seen – what would it have been like if he had actually been there? Would there have been a touching farewell? A goodbye kiss? A final declaration of love? Tieria choked on his own sentimentalism, curling up tighter as he pressed one had against his face, eyes red and sore but dry. He was out of coolant, it seemed. And he was overheating.

He hadn't seen it but the computer of his mind made it up for him – made it up just like all the other things that hadn't happened. The time Lockon hadn't touched Tieria's cheek with one hand as he kissed Tieria's forehead, light and gentle, the time Lockon hadn't grasped Tieria's hand, pulling Tieria towards him all in a tumble, the time they hadn't locked mouths, Tieria's hands desperately searching for something to hold onto as he felt his knees give way, the time Lockon hadn't carefully undressed Tieria, touching him with strength and care and all the things that Tieria loved –

Love? Ahaha. This wasn't about love. The hand that wasn't pressed to his face lowered itself under the blankets to his crotch, touching lightly through his flight suit. A small sob emerged from his throat as he began to press harder, rubbing up and down the length that was now chafing tortuously against the fabric. He could only stand it for a few moments before he had to unzip the suit from the neck down, doing it slowly to punish himself. He imagined that Lockon would have done it slowly, teasingly. Lockon would have been amused at Tieria's frustration.

But Lockon wasn't here, and never would be, and instead there was Tieria, alone, shaming Lockon's memory, taking Lockon's bravery and self-sacrifice and reducing the man to a pathetic fantasy for physical satisfaction. Lockon, who had given so many things to Tieria, Lockon, who had accepted him even through Tieria's rejection and narrow-mindedness, Lockon who had changed him, changed _everything_ _(why did you do all this to me just to die. Why did you ever come if you were just going to leave. I wish I had never met you, I would never feel like this, would never feel so_ empty _)._

Flight suit now mostly out of the way, bunched around his thighs, Tieria pumped in earnest, using both hands, viciously tugging himself to the point where it hurt. The head of his cock began to weep as his hands moved hard and fast, drawing shaky breaths from his throat with each stroke. This would be over soon.

He wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be organized, in control of everything, a human machine that could process everything swiftly and efficiently – not this mess of fleshy desire and weakness. As he built towards climax, his muffled gasps began mixing with dry sobs, tears all gone but the spasms from his chest refusing to stop as they shuddered their way out of his body.

Tieria had heard that certain other crew members used sex as a distraction, something to take their mind off things. Orgasm was supposed to clear your mind for one blessed instant and make you unaware of anything other than your body.

They were all fucking liars.

Semen spurted into his hand, his circuits fried, his monitor blinked as his hips tensed and trembled and he still wanted to die. Lockon wasn't here, pressed against his back, heart pounding in erratic rhythm. Lockon wasn't hard inside him, and it wasn't Lockon's hand around his cock; it was only his own. Just a stupid, lonely, pathetic man crying while he masturbated.

Tieria wouldn't sully Lockon's memory by saying the other man's name.

 


End file.
